Slacker

Wow, it's hard to believe it's a new year and I haven't written a word of a blog since September 2011. I don't post my blog to anyone....so you can't really be upset with me for the lack of writings. And since I'm not in a writing mood, I may just sit here for a few and ponder what it is exactly I want to write about...maybe last year, maybe this year, maybe something about a New Year a New You, or a new me in this case.

Okay, I have it. And while I'd like to focus in on New Year New Me, 2011 was a pretty good one and I don't want to forget all the memories the year brought.

Let's start with New Year New Me 2011....
1) I joined a gym! Those who know me know this was no easy task. And for me still to be consistantly 'gyming' one year later is pretty remarkable. I found I like exercise not only for the newfound energy it has given me, but also a fun (yes I said fun) activity to do with my husband and friends.

2) Let's move on to vacations! We took a couple. Our first was to Sedona with my parents over Spring Break. Really this was one of our best family trips we've had. Lots of sun, fresh air, hiking, relaxing, swimming, eating, and reading. What more could I ask for?

3) Sedona for me turned into a trip to Okalahoma.  A few days before we left Sedona my Grandma Dyer (Julia) started to have stroke like symptoms. Of course someone sick in my family is my cue to hop on a plane and do what I can to help. My Grandma is an amazing woman, someone I love dearly and credit for so much of who I am (another blog maybe). Of course I'd skip out on work, ditch my family and buy a plane ticket from Phoenix to Tulsa to be with her. To make a long story short after crazy hail storms, tornado warnings, ER visit(s), and lots of tests we found out she had myasthenia gravis. Thanks to my persistence (if I don't say so myself) and an amazingly smart and intuitive GI Dr. she got the diagnosis and could finally be on medication to help her! The medical world is so frustrating! Every person needs a medical advocate who can help them weed through the bureaucracy of medicine.

4) Let's move ahead...May. I feel like I should have a lot to say about May. After all it was my little Charlie's sixth birthday, mine and Eric's thirty-third birthday. Grandma Dyer and Grandma Jans birthday. Baby Weston was born (super exciting for us). Maybe I'll come back and elaborate more on May later.

5) July was a good month. Jacob turned thirteen.  I have a teenager! Seems a little impossible, but I guess it's true. I want to write a separate blog about Jacob. He deserves his very own.

July Eric, me, my parents, and brother Jesse all went to Maui for our friend Jessica Daumens wedding. We used our timeshare and were able to stay in a very large three bedroom two bath condo on the beach with the whole family. Amazing, amazing, amazing! Glad I'd been hitting the gym.

6) Cerner

Cerner is a word I've become very familiar with the past six months. A word that's allowed me to travel, see new places, meet new people, foster new friendships, and grow my knowledge in this ever changing, complex, crazy world of technology.

Cerner has taken me to:
Manatee Florida (didn't I blog about this?)
Washington DC (I wanted to blog about this)
Las Vegas (Boring and I mean that)
Wellington Florida
Wellington Florida
and Lord willing in a few weeks back to
DC!

October pumpkin patch fun

Kiddos

Wash, wash, wash

Hi Charlie

My boys

Our Family

Uncle Jesse had enough of the pumpkin patch!

Now I would like to spare you from having to read through anymore of my entire 2011 year blog. I'll make Thanksgiving and Christmas their own special page!

Can't sleep sleep so I write

Can't sleep so I write. So many thoughts so I write.  It's late in DC, not so late in California. The difficulty in writing with so many thoughts is organization, composition, fluidity. How do I organize the amount of thoughts, feelings, and emotions running through my brain....How about I start with my day? Just a FYI I can tell you now, my writing does not nearly capture the joy in my heart of seeing a new city, but hey at least now I'll remember what I did today.

Woke up today just outside of Georgetown DC. A cool overcast morning, crisp fresh air. I left my hotel in search of something....anything interesting to look at in this new city I'm in. As expected, I didn't have to look far for my senses to be overcome with stuff! Four corners with old buildings, brick buildings, concrete buildings, a church, an apartment, a store front, all different shapes and sizes. And people. There are people all around, young old, black, white, and lots of tourist like me. I love people, I love wondering about people. Who are they, where are they going, where are they coming from? I find a lovely little market (they're all over in cities like this). There are no Safways, no Albertsons, no Targets.  I'm happy in this little market with fresh pastrys and coffee. People stopping in on their Saturday morning walk with their dogs and jogging strollers, rosy cheek babies looking around with curiosity.

Next my walk to the metro. I guess in DC you call it the metro...New York City you say subway. Whatever you call it it's still a big train like thing that gets really crowded, and goes really fast. We don't have those in Temecula. And talk about people, lots of people, so many different people, so many new faces, but so many familiar too.

Buying my first ticket

                                                                                                                                                                           






Tour director says our next stop is on a little field trip to right outside the city. A metro ride and a walk through an old DC neighborhood that leads us to the beautiful home of Marjorie Post. I think I enjoyed the walk as much as the home that's now a museum of beautiful art, trinkets, china and other collectibles. The walk through big green trees, old houses that all look different. I think to myself...I'd like to live in a neighborhood like this.

The home is beautiful and all of the 'stuff' reminds me of my Grandma Gloria. She used to have cabnents full of stuff I thought of at as clutter. Now, looking back I wish I was more curious about all of her stuff, what it was, where she got it, why she liked it, what did it mean to her. Makes me think of all the things I want to ask my grandma now and can't....lots and lots of things.

The front of her home

Mrs. Post had the most amazing kitchen...especially for someone who likes to bake.

These pictures brought back more memories and feelings of my Grandparents. Although their wall was much smaller, they had many of the exact same pictures, poses, and faces

Never forget but strive to forgive

September 11, 2001, is a day many of us remember as if it were yesterday, a day we will never forget. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with, the feelings we had.

My first memory of that day, is the sound of my mothers voice. I awoke early that morning, my phone ringing. As soon as I saw it was my mother my heart sank. Mothers don't call in the seven o'clock hour, unless something is wrong, terribly wrong. Was it my dad, my diabetic brother? I have a tendency to think the worst, never could I have imagined what the worst would be. I'd have to wait to find out because all I got was an odd voice mail. 'Hi,' says my mom. I just wanted to tell you I love you, with all the stuff happening in the world right now. Call me when you can.' Okay, I thought a little confused by her short message, vague words, the emotional tone in her voice. So I call her, completely unprepared for what would become the most terrifying day of my then 23 year life. 'Turn the TV on we are being attacked,' she says. It was a short call, and as I turned on the TV, I watched in horror as the second tower of the Wold Trade Center was hit. How could this be? I was just there. Standing at a place where I was full of joy and happiness looking out at the amazing city below. In an instant it was gone, taken away, along with the feeling of safety and security I had known all my life.

Andrea and me less than one year before the attacks

My feelings, emotions, thoughts and prayers were probably similar to every Americans that day. Shock, horror, terror, confusion, fear, sorrow, anger. Those first few moments of television coverage I still didn't know what was happening. A horrible accident, are we being attacked, is the world coming to an end (if you don't know me, I think stuff like that). What will happen next, what does our future hold, will my children ever know the life I had, will our Country, our lives ever be the same? I want to immediately hold my baby, then three, now thirteen, and find a safe place to take shelter in case whatever was happening in New York was coming to us next.

We all know how September 11, 2001 ended. In minutes 2996 lives lost, families destroyed, hearts broken and our world as we knew it changed forever.

Ten years later you can still feel the pain, the hurt, and emotion people hold in their hearts for that day. You see the news, the blogs, the posts. People say never forget and talk about those who were lost, the heroes who continue to fight to protect us everyday, those left behind without a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend. You also see people holding on to hate and anger and forgetting forgiveness and healing.  Matthew 5:44 says ~ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Not exactly an easy thing to do, yet over and over God commands us to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us.

Believers and non believers will ask the question that we've all heard and asked before. Why does God allow evil, pain and suffering? And since I don't fully understand the answer to that question, I will say there are many reasons, one of which I believe is so we can know God better. So yes, God allows suffering, but He also allows great healing through forgiveness and His son Jesus Christ. There is a song by Manifesto that I sing everyday that recites the Lords prayer. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. Those are powerful words, but when we say them do we mean them? Can we forgive those who have trespassed against us, against our country?

I can, I have , and I will. And so on this day September 11, 2011 I pray for not only the 2996 heroes lost, the millions of lives changed forever, but also for my enemy and those who continue to persecute us.

God tells us do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

~J

Florida

Day two in Florida and this is what I've decided:

1) I like it here. Everyone is super friendly and calls me Ma'am.

2) They don't use toilet seat covers.

3) The weather makes my hair look frizzy no matter how much hot iron I put to it.

4) They must have different regulations than us Californians, because they're eating, drinking and having a good old time all over the ER.

5) The weather is hot and humid, but the big bLack storm clouds on the horizon sure paint a pretty picture.

6) Before coming here, I said this was one of the last States I'd want to come to....and now it would be one of my firsts.

'Today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one!'

Dr. Seuss

~J

I Dare You to Run

I had a realization while at the gym today..... I hate the treadmill (i.e. running or exercise of any kind). Okay, really that's my realization every time I'm on the treadmill. I'm not an athlete, never have been and probably never will be. As far back as I can remember I was pretty weak, wimpy and otherwise out of shape. I hated P.E., which was always a little traumatizing, as I was last to be called for teams, and always out first in games like dodge ball, where the boys would throw the ball so hard my legs would sting for hours. Who makes little girls play dodge ball anyways?

I remember a brief childhood moment where someone (definitely not me) had the idea I should play softball. I never got a hit, and as I would stroll up to the batters box I would pray to God desperately for a walk. I can only remember playing the outfield which was fine with me. The less action the better. I remember the shear terror one day as a fly ball finally came my direction...actually right to me, only for me to drop it. Talk about embarrassing. I felt like I'd let everyone down, my team, my parents, my brother, and myself. Really? I thought afterwards, if I can't catch a ball hit right to me what can I do? Needlessly to say from that day forward I had even less interest in sports, exercise or athletics of any kind....if that was even possible. (I'll spare you the gruesome details of cheerleading tryouts, just another one of my 'I can't' moments).

That's me during my brief stint as a softball player


Now I'm sure we all have our share of embarrassing moments, our moments where we consciously or subconsciously decide we can't, we won't, we never will be. These moments can be our driving force to give up on on ourselves, give up on life, and give up on our dreams. I've had a lot of these give up moments, moments where I give in and settle for less than I am and less than I want to be. Being healthy, athletic and in shape is just one part of me I'd given up many, many years ago.

Until now.

Running....I hate it, but I just figured out I can do it. I don't go fast and I don't go far, but I do it. And each time it gets a little easier, and a little more endurable. And now instead of staring painfully at the seconds click by, sweat dripping down my face, I feel good and I feel powerful. I think about the many 'I cant's' of my life, and decide from here on out there are only going to be 'I cans.' If I can run and feel this way, what other things can I do that I never thought possible? So from now on I'm going to dare myself. Dare myself to go after the dreams in my heart, the things I never thought I could do, the things God created me to do, and right now I want to run.

~ J

What do you see?

You often hear people talk about kids sayings, their honesty, their bluntness, their statements of obvious fact. I love kids sayings and wish I had kept better track of them over the past thirteen years. Charlie comes up with some pretty good ones; he's a thinker, a wonderer, and his mind is in constant motion.

Today was another early morning for us, seems like they all are recently, and with Eric out the door for work at quarter to five, and Jacob still away at camp, it was Charlie and me left to our own early morning routine. I love waking up next to that child. Maybe in ten years when he's sixteen I'll be sick of it, but I doubt it. When he's asleep next to me, I get to stare at him without interruption, and kiss his soft little cheeks without him knowing.

Mornings with Charlie can be a challenge to say the least. It could be a seamless, bird chirping, music playing morning. Or, the beginnings of world war three.  After six years, I've learned to be prepared for the latter. Today, I have to drop him off  at the babysitters before seven so I can make it to work on time, and lucky for me, it's a bird chirping morning. As we drive it's quiet, the radio playing in the background, and me deep in thought, when I hear from the back seat that sweet little six year old voice.

'Mom' says Charlie
'Yes' I say.
'Why do you love Jesus so much?' he asks.

Humm, I think of all the many reasons I love Jesus and start to ramble them off to him one by one. I love that he asks me questions like this. He challenges me....daily. After I drop him off I continue to think. Not so much the reasons why I love Jesus, those are easy. I think about Charlie and how he looks at me - his mother. My heart is happy and I wonder....

Does he not see the fatigue in my face from hours of work? Or the grey in my hair, inching their way into my once golden brown locks? Does he not see the worry I feel of our Earthly future unknown?

I realize he sees none of that, he's my child and he sees me just as I am. He sees the good, the bad, my worst and my best. And what he sees, what he knows, and what I hope he remembers all of his life is.....
His mommy loves Jesus.
What do you see?

~J

Grandpa Ralph and Grandma Gloria

One year ago today, August 4, 2010, Grandpa Ralph went to Heaven to be reunited with Grandma. Life was never the same for him after her passing, or for any of us. Grandma was our family rock, our constant provider and our go to for just about everything. Their deep love and devotion for each other and their family was transparent to all who knew them.

Things I want to remember about my Grandma (and really the list is endless, but I'll try and keep it brief)

 

• Her cooking.....Creamy rich dinners, freshly baked bread, melt in your mouth desserts.
• Her favorite afternoon snack...crackers and boxed wine.
• The hours she spent making all my clothes as a child. I found it quite annoying back then, but now I love that she did that for me.
• Her ongoing advice on love, marriage, and raising children.
• Her arguments with Grandpa that would make us all laugh (or sometimes just Grandma and me laugh)
• Her confidence, drive and her push to make me a better person.
• Her love for my children.
• Because of her I am who I am.

Things I want to remember about my Grandpa (again an endless list)

• • 

  Riding in the back seat of his car while running errands usually to church or the bank.
• Swimming in the backyard and picking berries from the vine.
• The smell of double mint gum...the kind he always chewed.
• Hearing him yell 'Julie' in his grandpa voice from a far away room.
• Watching him play games with Jacob.
• Eating his banana bread.
• His stubbornness and determination.
• His love for Grandma, his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

The year Grandpa died he moved to Watsonville to be closer to mom and dad. And as his usual self he made himself at home, planting a garden with my brother, and making friends with as many people possible.
Here he is July 4, 2010 - One month before his passing.

Miss you Grandpa