Can't sleep sleep so I write

Can't sleep so I write. So many thoughts so I write.  It's late in DC, not so late in California. The difficulty in writing with so many thoughts is organization, composition, fluidity. How do I organize the amount of thoughts, feelings, and emotions running through my brain....How about I start with my day? Just a FYI I can tell you now, my writing does not nearly capture the joy in my heart of seeing a new city, but hey at least now I'll remember what I did today.

Woke up today just outside of Georgetown DC. A cool overcast morning, crisp fresh air. I left my hotel in search of something....anything interesting to look at in this new city I'm in. As expected, I didn't have to look far for my senses to be overcome with stuff! Four corners with old buildings, brick buildings, concrete buildings, a church, an apartment, a store front, all different shapes and sizes. And people. There are people all around, young old, black, white, and lots of tourist like me. I love people, I love wondering about people. Who are they, where are they going, where are they coming from? I find a lovely little market (they're all over in cities like this). There are no Safways, no Albertsons, no Targets.  I'm happy in this little market with fresh pastrys and coffee. People stopping in on their Saturday morning walk with their dogs and jogging strollers, rosy cheek babies looking around with curiosity.

Next my walk to the metro. I guess in DC you call it the metro...New York City you say subway. Whatever you call it it's still a big train like thing that gets really crowded, and goes really fast. We don't have those in Temecula. And talk about people, lots of people, so many different people, so many new faces, but so many familiar too.

Buying my first ticket

                                                                                                                                                                           






Tour director says our next stop is on a little field trip to right outside the city. A metro ride and a walk through an old DC neighborhood that leads us to the beautiful home of Marjorie Post. I think I enjoyed the walk as much as the home that's now a museum of beautiful art, trinkets, china and other collectibles. The walk through big green trees, old houses that all look different. I think to myself...I'd like to live in a neighborhood like this.

The home is beautiful and all of the 'stuff' reminds me of my Grandma Gloria. She used to have cabnents full of stuff I thought of at as clutter. Now, looking back I wish I was more curious about all of her stuff, what it was, where she got it, why she liked it, what did it mean to her. Makes me think of all the things I want to ask my grandma now and can't....lots and lots of things.

The front of her home

Mrs. Post had the most amazing kitchen...especially for someone who likes to bake.

These pictures brought back more memories and feelings of my Grandparents. Although their wall was much smaller, they had many of the exact same pictures, poses, and faces

Never forget but strive to forgive

September 11, 2001, is a day many of us remember as if it were yesterday, a day we will never forget. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with, the feelings we had.

My first memory of that day, is the sound of my mothers voice. I awoke early that morning, my phone ringing. As soon as I saw it was my mother my heart sank. Mothers don't call in the seven o'clock hour, unless something is wrong, terribly wrong. Was it my dad, my diabetic brother? I have a tendency to think the worst, never could I have imagined what the worst would be. I'd have to wait to find out because all I got was an odd voice mail. 'Hi,' says my mom. I just wanted to tell you I love you, with all the stuff happening in the world right now. Call me when you can.' Okay, I thought a little confused by her short message, vague words, the emotional tone in her voice. So I call her, completely unprepared for what would become the most terrifying day of my then 23 year life. 'Turn the TV on we are being attacked,' she says. It was a short call, and as I turned on the TV, I watched in horror as the second tower of the Wold Trade Center was hit. How could this be? I was just there. Standing at a place where I was full of joy and happiness looking out at the amazing city below. In an instant it was gone, taken away, along with the feeling of safety and security I had known all my life.

Andrea and me less than one year before the attacks

My feelings, emotions, thoughts and prayers were probably similar to every Americans that day. Shock, horror, terror, confusion, fear, sorrow, anger. Those first few moments of television coverage I still didn't know what was happening. A horrible accident, are we being attacked, is the world coming to an end (if you don't know me, I think stuff like that). What will happen next, what does our future hold, will my children ever know the life I had, will our Country, our lives ever be the same? I want to immediately hold my baby, then three, now thirteen, and find a safe place to take shelter in case whatever was happening in New York was coming to us next.

We all know how September 11, 2001 ended. In minutes 2996 lives lost, families destroyed, hearts broken and our world as we knew it changed forever.

Ten years later you can still feel the pain, the hurt, and emotion people hold in their hearts for that day. You see the news, the blogs, the posts. People say never forget and talk about those who were lost, the heroes who continue to fight to protect us everyday, those left behind without a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend. You also see people holding on to hate and anger and forgetting forgiveness and healing.  Matthew 5:44 says ~ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Not exactly an easy thing to do, yet over and over God commands us to forgive each other just as Christ has forgiven us.

Believers and non believers will ask the question that we've all heard and asked before. Why does God allow evil, pain and suffering? And since I don't fully understand the answer to that question, I will say there are many reasons, one of which I believe is so we can know God better. So yes, God allows suffering, but He also allows great healing through forgiveness and His son Jesus Christ. There is a song by Manifesto that I sing everyday that recites the Lords prayer. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. Those are powerful words, but when we say them do we mean them? Can we forgive those who have trespassed against us, against our country?

I can, I have , and I will. And so on this day September 11, 2011 I pray for not only the 2996 heroes lost, the millions of lives changed forever, but also for my enemy and those who continue to persecute us.

God tells us do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

~J